Ker plunk…

I feel like such a failure right now. Seriously.

I got up today and decided that I was going to do “tons” of shopping: Home Goods, Lowe’s, Micheal’s, Jo-Ann Fabrics, Target, etc. for all these things we need/I want. To start, I didn’t even leave the house until almost 4pm, but that was mainly because I spent the earlier part of the day nesting, or what I’m convinced was nesting (I was up before 9am!)

I cleaned, did laundry, ironed my pillowcases (yes, this has to be nesting…), organized, wiped stuff down, and just tidied up in general. So I definitely got things accomplished, but the minute I tried to go out to the store and go shopping by myself – something I’ve had YEARS of practice at – I couldn’t do it.

I drove to the new Home Goods down the street with such high hopes. I was going to look for curtains for the living room, curtains for the dining room, curtains for the bedroom, curtains for the baby’s room, curtains for both bathrooms (OK, so curtains for every room in the house, basically), a counter-top compost to go hand-in-hand with my large compost out back, a new dish drain, a stool/bench for my newly set-up vanity in my dressing room, some new bath mats for both bathrooms, possibly some wall hangings for the baby’s room, rugs! Rugs for the baby’s room, for our room, for the living and dining rooms, and mirrors – one for the upstairs bathroom and one for our bedroom.

Well, I got inside and I was so overwhelmed that I couldn’t purchase anything – nothing! At one point, I had two sets of new bathroom mats in my hands, but that’s it. And by the way, Home Goods doesn’t exactly have curtains. After tooling around the store for about an hour, I sat down on a seat and nearly cried. I was so overwhelmed and tired. All I wanted to do was get the stuff I need to continue making my house a home (and add some privacy, as well) and go home with my new treasures. And I couldn’t. I realized I don’t like shopping for house stuff on my own and I just wish I could get everything all in one store. I don’t have the energy, time or patience to schlep from one store to the next for each of the 49,579,793 items I need. So first, I called my mom for guidance. No answer. Then I texted Nick. No answer. Then I called Sarah. Again, no answer. And lastly, I tried my mom again, this time on the house phone. You guessed it. No answer. So I tried to walk around the store one more time, trying to do so with a clear mind and to make impulse decisions, and I couldn’t. So I left. Empty handed, frustrated and lost of more than an hour that I’ll never get back. By that time I was hungry and had to pee too. So I quickly ran into Ulta to get some blush (at least make-up’s gotta make me feel better, right?!) and almost walked out of there without anything too. But finally, I made a decision and just bought what I liked (I think I like it…)

This poor child of mine, it’s going to arrive without a completed room and a mother who probably won’t be able to make a decision on his outfit in enough timely fashion to get out of the house before nightfall. Lord help me.

And now I’m home, with no purchases and feeling like a failure. So I’m going to attempt to shop online from now on, until I can get Nick to go with me or someone else. Oh well. At least my bank account made out good today.

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